Laugh out loud

I love a good joke and there is a place I visit for clean jokes periodically. Here is a small sampling:


COLLEGE ASSIGNMENT
A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions stated the short story had to contain the following three things:
1. Religion
2. Sexuality
3. Mystery
Below is the only A+ short story in the class:
"Good God, I’m pregnant, I wonder who did it?"


An elderly man in Chicago calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; 45 years of misery is more than I can stand.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Los Angeles and you tell her.”
Frantic, the son calls his sister. She explodes on the phone. “Baloney. We’re not letting them get divorced,” she screams, “we’re going to take care of this.”
She calls Chicago immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone, turns to his wife, and says. “Okay, they’re coming for Thanksgiving and they’re paying their own fares...now what do we do for Christmas?”

When I was younger, I hated going to weddings ... it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next. You’re next.”
They stopped that stuff after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.


A priest is walking down the street one day when he sees a small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. But the doorbell is just out of his reach.
He watches the boy’s efforts for some time, until finally he crosses the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a ring.
Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”
To which the boy turns and yells, “NOW WE RUN!”

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